THE CAVEMEN - The Cavemen Red Lp
Two weeks before they left the shores of their native New Zealand for the grimy cobblestones of London, garage-punk miscreants The Cavemen attempted a tour in support of their first album. What went down was equally chaotic as the 19 minutes of puerile degeneracy found distilled on their debut release. Youth halls were desecrated, now-defunct venues were soiled and an ill-fated final show in a graveyard was cancelled when the tour vans engine exploded and a passing motorist collided with bassist Nick Caveman.
This first record is a funny, tuneful rampage of hedonistic juvenile delinquency, grave robbing fantasies and substance/self abuse-themed anarchy, from the opening blast of Mentally Ill to the climactic kiss-off Trash Talkin' Paint Huffin' Girl.
The stand-out tunes include unconventional my girlfriend dumped for the leader of a Nazi biker gang anthem Rides With The Reich ("Gee I, don't wanna kiss ya, I'm in love with Adolf Hitler"), the shouty Motorhead-name checking alcoholic celebration of At The Pub ("I was born (at the pub), went to school (at the pub), fell in love (at the pub), had my kids (at the pub), had a beer (at the pub), had a fight (at the pub)") and manic mid-term meltdown School Sucks ("kill the teachers, burn the homework, smash the classroom").
There's pretty much a racket to suit every form of deviancy, from the sex, drugs and punk rock self-abasement of Rock N Roll Retard and Glass Breakfast – frontman Paul Caveman giving good Lemmy on the latter – to the necrophilia-based antics of chucklesome, worryingly catchy shock-rocker F*** For Hate and Stand By Your Ghoul's ode to cadaver-based love. The whole record clocks in at under 30 minutes, making it the perfect rude 'n' crude warm-up music for any imminent crime spree.